11 Andy Sidaris B-Movies With Smutty VHS/ CD Covers Your Parents Didn’t Let You Rent!

    Who needs a perfect narrative when there are curvy and beautiful Playboy Playmates and models displaying their endowments and shooting huge weapons on the screen? This is a part of Andy Sidaris’ legacy, and we believe it is both his blessing and his curse. Bullets, Bombs, and Babes! is how he refers to his exploitation films.

    The films have been dubbed “Triple G” by certain critics and fans, which stands for “Girls, Guns, and G-Strings.” The films may not have great acting, screenplays, or cinematography, but it is extremely difficult to become bored with them due to the abundance of action sequences featuring some extremely attractive model-turned-actresses fighting with all of the world’s guns, helicopters, and remote-controlled devices. In addition, there’s a lot of skin-show!

    Before creating movies, he was known for revolutionising sports cinematography on television and for inventing the iconic HONEY SHOT… As a break from the game’s frantic action, there were random cuts to gorgeous female spectators and cheerleaders.

    This passion for television is likely one of the reasons why the bulk of his films’ target audiences were excited teenagers and men who utilised VHS or CDs. Sidaris has created several truly enjoyable films that take a lighthearted approach to entertainment and seek to make the viewer feel good at the end.

    In this video, we’ll discuss the late director’s 11 films that shaped him into the man he is today!

    Malibu Express (1985)

    Malibu Express (1985)

    Cody Abilene is an ambitious private detective who is promiscuous and has a soft spot for women. He is recruited to look into a murder that occurred on an estate, and he accepts the task only to discover that there is a larger conspiracy at work.

    He uncovers a complicated web of spies and traitors selling Russians cutting-edge computer technology. It’s now up to Cody to deal with this issue of national security. Packed with boiling-hot seduction, love-making and action… a thrill ride awaits the audience.

    Cody Abilene, played by Darby Hinton, is a private detective. Cody may not be the most efficient detective, and he may miss a few targets when firing his pistol, but he never passes up an opportunity to get personal with a lady! This picture is filled with mindless action and gorgeous topless ladies, with a good narrative and an insanely humorous subplot.

    This is a textbook example of an exploitation B-Movie of the 1980s with some seductive, shapely and sexy actresses like Sybil Danning, Lorraine Michaels and Lynda Wiesmeier among others. The tones and tunes that Sidaris used in Malibu Express went on to become a constant in his later movies.

    Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987)

    Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987)

    Donna and Taryn are two agents who have been moved to Hawaii and have killer looks in addition to their killing talents as law enforcement operations. When they stumble upon a consignment of diamonds meant for drug lord Mr Chang, things take a turn for the worst.

    Mr Chang’s henchman Seth Romero is the major antagonist, and he will go to any length to get the diamonds. Although Seth is not the only obstacle that Donna and Taryn have to face, there is also a python that has transformed into a monstrous reptile due to contamination by toxins. A full-blown carnage begins with bullets flying and these beautiful ladies are the ones who are firing them. 

    With this film, Andy Sidaris perfected his Triple-B style of filmmaking. He added additional chicks, guns, explosives, and even a spiked flying frisbee to murder one of the participants! Yes, you read that correctly. Then there’s an enigmatic serpent who is as one-dimensional as the major antagonists.

    The video has some amusing combat sequences as well as toys directly from the neighbourhood toy store. So, we are not saying that Hard Ticket to Hawaii is an artistic marvel, but it will definitely entertain you. In the end you’ll realise that you have not had enough of any of the actresses and their action sequences, especially Dona Speir as Donna, Hope Marie Carlton as Taryn and Cynthia Brimhall as Edy.

    Picasso Trigger (1988)

    Picasso Trigger (1988)

    Salazar, also known as Picasso Trigger, is a US covert agent who is killed by infamous gangster Miguel Ortiz. Ortiz is seeking vengeance for the agency’s death of his brother. Miguel has Donna and Taryn on his kill list as well. Travis Abilene is another agent who will gather other agents for the common purpose of catching Ortiz.

    So, in terms of plot continuity, fast-paced pursuit sequences, action, violence, and sexuality, this picture maintains up with Hard Ticket to Hawaii. The film attempts but fails to capture the essence of a vengeance thriller. Having said that, it is a B-Movie and contains all of the elements that one would expect from one.

    The picture has a weird sense of humour in the background. For instance, Dona Speir is accused of being jealous in one of the scenes to which she says, “there is not a jealous bone in my body – check it out for yourself”, and then she simply takes off her clothes!

    Through the length of the movie, you are sure to be thrilled and titillated by some massive explosions, magnificent mammaries and miniscule story. Steve Bond does a good job as Travis Abilene, but the show is once again stolen by the hot babes.

    Do or Die (1991)

    Do or Die (1991)

    Donna Hamilton and Nicole Justin, two exceptionally gorgeous US agents, are at a party on a Hawaiian island in the film. They are greeted by Masakana ‘Kane’ Kaneshiro, a kingpin who is aware of the two girls’ status as US operatives. Instead of murdering them right away, he turns it into a cat-and-mouse game in which the girls must avoid a bunch of assassins.

    The girls go save themselves somehow and meet with 6 other agents in order to fight Kane together. Meanwhile, Kane intends to take over the US stock market and cripple the nation. This means that the agents will have to stop Kane, now more than ever. 

    Things appear to just happen in this movie in an odd way, and the two large chested female characters, Donna Hamilton and Nicole Justin, portrayed by Dona Speir and Roberta Vasquez, have a thing for convenience.

    They conveniently fly interstate, they conveniently learn about the impending assassins thanks to a homemade tracking gadget with red and green lights, and they conveniently enlist the aid of six other agents to form four girl-guy duos to battle the bad guys. However, this is a picture that spectators will love in sections, with high-octane chase scenes involving automobiles, boats, and planes.

    Like other Andy Sidaris movies, Do or Die boasts of some matchlessly great and explicit sex scenes. The cinematographer seemed overtly curious in filming the hot babes changing their pants on the screen. The cast of this film is relatively finer than other Sidaris films, you get the veteran actor Pat Morita as Masakana ‘Kane’ Kaneshiro, this is not his best performance but if you will watch Do or Die for just one reason apart from the skin show, watch it for him.

    Hard Hunted (1993)

    Hard Hunted (1993)

    Kane is a global arms trader who smuggled a nuclear trigger hidden within a Buddha statue. He plans to sell it to a terrorist in the Middle East. However, the Buddha Nuke trigger is taken, and Kane will go to any length to recover it and carry out his intentions.

    The US government once again sends Dona, Nicole and Edy to fight the bad guys with their sheer might and mighty erotic charms. Will the sensuous hot agents save the day?

    This film, written by Andy Sidaris himself, maintains the tried and true elements of B-Movies. There’s a lot of gunplay, explosions, passionate relationships and sex, revealing clothing, and a thin plot. At times, it appears like the storyline and storey are getting in the way of all of these superb components.

    Although there is one clever irony in the narrative, we all know that Buddha is synonymous with peace and that nuclear weapons are weapons of mass devastation, therefore Andy Sidaris has amazed us by placing the nuclear trigger in a Buddha figure. The cinematography is very fast paced, most action sequences tell us this fact.

    We think this is because Sidaris was involved in filming sports before he started making movies. Hard Hunted tries to be an espionage thriller but fails terribly, but then we don’t watch Sidaris movies for the thrill, we watch it for the babes, the bombs, and the bullets. 

    Fit to Kill (1993)

    Fit to Kill (1993)

    Donna and Nicole have made it to their headquarters in Hawaii after eluding a team of trained assassins. The two are assigned to escort Chang, a wealthy Asian businessman who owns a rare Russian diamond known as ALEXA DIAMOND. Chang wants to return the diamond to the Russians, but there’s a catch: it’s Kane, the gorgeous agents’ archenemy.

    Kane is teaming up with the sexy and deadly Blu Steele to steal the diamond from Chang. The chase begins from Hawaii and goes to Las Vegas and then to Russia! Will Donna and Nicole halt the sinister plans of Kane?

    Fit to Kill is the sequel to Hard Hunted, and the good news is that it has all of Sidaris’ hallmarks as well as a more compelling plot! Yes, the plot is better than the last instalment, but it is still not a terrific narrative. Rodrigo Obregon reprises his role as the villainous criminal Kane, this time accompanied by Julie Strain as Blu Steele.

    The addition of Strain provides spectators with an incredibly hot and intense battle between the females. We think you get the idea of the concoction that Andy Sidaris uses in his B-movies, and you might think that these are merely sexist films aimed at objectifying women, but that’s not the entire truth.

    His movies have often portrayed the female characters to be more efficient at action sequences than their male counterparts. This paradoxical filmography adds to the entertainment quotient to Sidaris’ films.

    Day of the Warrior (1996)

    Day of the Warrior (1996)

    The security of the L.E.T.H.A.L. Agency’s headquarters, where our beautiful babes work, has been breached. The assailant appears to be The Warrior, an ex-CIA operative. He has obtained the contact information for all L.E.T.H.A.L. Agency agents, and they are currently pursuing them.

    The Warrior will not be an easy opponent; unlike Kane, he is a trained operator who understands how things operate. He is also involved in nefarious businesses of adult films, smuggling and the white slave trade. Now it is up to Commander Willow Black and her agents Cobra and Tiger, to stop The Warrior.

    The video box’s cover depicts gorgeous ladies holding large weapons and wearing the same under their clothing, if you get what we mean. And these women are going to do everything they can to prevent a wicked terrorist from carrying out his terrible plot.

    What more could we ask for in a Sidaris B-Movie storey? Day of the Warrior has its share of bad language and pointless travel sequences, but it’s the villain that sets it apart from the competition. Traditionally, the villains have been drug lords or crooked businesspeople, but in this film, Sidaris has chosen a well-trained enemy who is as skilled as any of the Babe-Agents!

    Marcus Bagwell as The Warrior has given a decent performance. We understand that some of you need a little more, then Sidaris gives you the ever beautiful and sexy Shae Marks as Tiger! If nothing else, watch the movie for her or its your loss.

    The Dallas Connection (1994)

    The Dallas Connection (1994)

    For a more peaceful world, the International World Arms Removal Project is a cutting-edge satellite technology that identifies and eliminates weapons. However, just days before their conference in Dallas, a number of prominent scientists were killed.

    Therefore, scientist Antonio Morales seeks protection from the agency while he heads to Dallas. This is a top priority for Special Agent Samantha Maxx because Antonio plays a key role in the effective functioning of The International World Arms Removal Project. 

    Rodrigo Obregon makes a comeback in this Sidaris picture as a decent person who also happens to be a scientist! We can tell you that the absurdities in The Dallas Connection, the tenth of the twelve Triple-B flicks, have only just begun. What’s more ridiculous, but amusing, is that the assassins use sexy dancers from a nearby cowboy bar as a cover.

    The film doesn’t give us much to talk about, but the storyline is somewhat more acceptable and satisfactory, though not outstanding. Although, we will give a special mention to the character of Black Widow played by Julie Strain who ties up men, and then has the raunchiest time in bed with them only to plant a bullet in their head.

    Guns (1990)

    Guns (1990)

    Juan Degas, better known as Jack of Diamonds, is an arms dealer who plans to sneak a big shipment of weapons into America through Hawaii. In order to succeed, he will have to fight the L.E.T.H.A.L agents Donna and Nicole. Things start to take violent turns as the parties face-off, there will be guns blazing, bullets flying, remote controlled weapons.

    This film is as ludicrous as any other by Andy Sidaris, with horrible line delivery, weak performances, and an overly basic storey that is pushed to get more sophisticated as the film progresses. ERIK ESTRADA’s character, Gunrunner Degas, had no need for a confrontation with the Babe-Agents, but he did it nonetheless.

    he explanation for this is simple: Degas is in an Andy Sidaris picture, and he’s part of a framework that employs a storyline to depict high-speed chase sequences, explosions, bikini babes, and gun fights. All Andy Sidaris films, including Guns, have been made for fun. If we try to look for a point in the plots and other technicalities then friends, it is us who are missing the point. 

    Savage Beach (1989)

    Savage Beach (1989)

    Donna and Taryn, federal operatives, pose as cargo flyers. Their aviation business instructs them to transport a cargo to Knox Island, but they must make an emergency landing on an island that already has a lot going on.

    The island is said to be home to priceless World War II-era treasure hidden by the Japanese. There begins a race against time and various stakeholders including some rebels, some ninja assassins, the Philippines government’s representatives working with the United States of America. 

    The film is a little more plot-driven than Picasso Trigger, but don’t get your expectations up. On the plus side, all of the leading ladies in this film are former Playboy Playmates or models. With the cameraman focused on the heavy-top chick agents changing clothing more often than normal, their on-screen presence is enough to keep you glued to the screen.

    The film has some really unintended funny scenes, for instance there’s this scene where a Japanese World War veteran with this really terrible age make-up recognises Donna from her eyes. The characters have a poker face through the length of the movie but well at least there’s a lot of explosions and explosively hot women taking their clothes off every now and then.

    Seven (1979)

    Seven (1979)

    A crew of seven criminal kingpins has entered Hawaii and plans to take over the island by removing the administrative officials. Drew Sevano, an unusual special agent turned assassin, assists the US federal authorities. To take down the bad guys, our protagonist assembles a squad of seven assassins.

    Seven is an earlier film by Andy Sidaris, the low-budget film maverick. Barbara Leigh portrays Alexa, Guich Koock portrays the Cowboy, Christopher Joy portrays T.K., and Richard LePore portrays the “Professor.” The greatest part of the cast is William Smith, who plays Drew Savano in a good light.

    This film is unquestionably Sidaris’ greatest effort at producing an action-thriller B-Movie. It has some great action sequences, goofy humour and glamourous ladies. The story too is to an extent engaging for a film like Seven. We recommend you to watch Seven as this is one of the first films by Andy Sidaris to use Playboy Playmates which went on to become a staple in his following films.

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