Today’s video will look at the film Teenage Caveman, which depicts humans in the post-apocalyptic future living in archaic conditions. The film not only depicts Clark’s normal interest with youngsters’ promiscuous (and vacuous) lifestyle – albeit not to the horrific extent that he is accustomed to – but it also includes the plot’s anticipated sci-fi/apocalyptic components. Our wretched progenitors were cavemen.
They must keep their birth rate low because their environment’s capacity to support any size human population is severely limited. As a result, they have grown sexually repressive, as have many other communities before them. It was made as part of a series of low-budget made-for-television films that were partly inspired by Samuel Z’s b-movies.
They arrive at a run-down Seattle, Washington. They are taken in by three attractive mutants who teach them everything they need to know about the things Larry Clark likes to include in his films. The superhumans do not appear to be superhuman; they can recover rapidly and are powerful, but they have a monstrous appearance and poor fashion sense. The movie has been compared to a Larry Clark film. In essence, the cave culture is the ideal community in which to indulge in adolescent rebellion. Instead of being wiped out by dinosaurs or other creatures, the adolescents retreat to an abandoned city, where they meet some modern teenagers and begin experimenting with sex, drugs, and rock & roll.
The Future Sucks -Teenage Caveman (2002)
The film takes place in a post-apocalyptic future in which the great majority of mankind has perished, not due to a nuclear war but due to a viral pandemic. The survivors have regressed to primitive tribalism.
The son of a tribal chieftain is expelled from the tribe, along with his buddies, after murdering his father for sexually abusing his girlfriend. They ultimately come upon a solar-powered metropolis with just two residents who have been genetically enhanced to escape the epidemic. They saw themselves as superhuman mutants to remake mankind in their own image. In a post-apocalyptic Neanderthal-style future society, young tribe leader David played by Andrew Keegan, murders his Shaman father, played by Paul Hipp, for having sex with his lover, Sarah, played by Tara Subkoff. David is publicly chastised and left for dead since his father is an influential spiritual leader.
However, his gorgeous gang of adolescent misfits saves him before the entire team is swept up in a nuclear storm. They ultimately come upon a solar-powered metropolis with just two residents who have been genetically enhanced to escape the epidemic. They saw themselves as superhuman mutants to remake mankind in their own image. His buddies resolve to save him and follow him into the woods, where they discover one of the ancient world’s ruined towns.
They walk into it and are trapped in a storm, waking up in a contemporary (well, old-fashioned) apartment with Neil and Judith’s lovely young couple. Quickly the group discovers that the restrictions of the caves are gone, and the old ways of sex, drinking, and drugs are the very things of daily life. However, it rapidly becomes apparent that things are not as they appear.
This film is part of a Creature Features collection of TV movie remakes created by Samuel Z. Arkoff, a key figure in the first wave of ’50s B-movies. TEENAGE CAVEMAN may be the worst of these remakes, considering it has little resemblance to the original and isn’t even a monster feature. It’s merely an excuse for filmmaker Clark to address his favorite topic, adolescent sexuality. His goals are entirely at odds with the other films in the series, which all center on gory mayhem and weird creatures.
On the point of death, our six characters wake up on expensive sofas in a swank lounge area full of old-time technical objects. They’ve been cleaned up and outfitted in pre-apocalyptic garb… or, more accurately, underpants. Then they meet their rescuers or captors? Neil and Judith are a young and exquisite couple. Neil is a charming freak in the same style as Crispin. They then expose the youngsters to a hedonistic lifestyle, complete with a whirlpool bath, gallons of whiskey, cocaine, drugs, and all the unprotected coitus a starved and frustrated adolescent could desire.
This is mind-boggling to kids who have obviously never had the opportunity to taste the alcohol. The tribe punishes David by tying him to a pole and leaving him to perish from exposure. The Teenage Cavemen (and ladies) will not tolerate this, and they untie him and flee together. Eventually, the gang comes upon the damaged remains of Seattle, which they glimpse briefly before being trapped in a storm, and everything goes black.
To be fair, Clark is constant in setting up the outside world with a saturated appearance on the camera, with particular colors such as blue and yellow overdone, giving it an artificial washed feel that does make the outside world look changed slightly. It’s a bright point in an otherwise drab picture.
They’re all unconscious and wearing only their underpants. Some men are bulging, and Larry Clark allows us to get close-up photos of those bulges, which is unusual. But it’s not so strange if you’ve watched Ken Park or Kids. It’s nothing out of the ordinary. They wake up to food, and then they rock and roll! A newcomer enters, clothed as though he was attacked by a Salvation Army store. His name is Neil, and he’s a punk rocker.
Neil is one of those characters you wish to eliminate. Neil reveals that their position is solar-powered, which will provide electricity for the next 300 years. Again, it’s improbable that nothing has gone wrong and everything still works after 300 years, but it might be feasible if they were just fifty years off. Instead, we merely nod and grin, especially when Bill Clinton appears. Something is strange that this got out after the next man was elected president. Perhaps three terms of Bill Clinton were all that was required for the world to end. Alternatively, Larry Clark likes Clinton because he is a huge perv, and Clark is a big sexual deviant. Birds of a feather flock together. Ignoring Bill, we go to a co-ed group bath, which Bill Clinton would approve of.
The acting is mediocre, and the dialogue is absolutely terrible. Nothing occurs for almost an hour in the middle of the film. Still, things take up right at the conclusion with decapitations, impalements, and one character transforming into a schlocky, rubbery-looking ‘beast-man before being blown up. However, these final-reel shenanigans cannot elevate the film’s entertainment value beyond zero since they occur far too late.
Since teenagers lack individuality, naming them is a pointless process. Suppose the picture is remembered for anything other than Clark’s go-for-broke filmmaking attempt. In that case, it should be recognized as an excellent showcase for the abilities of Richard Hillman. He portrays one of the genetically-altered humans. Hillman manages this eccentric role well until emotions come to the fore in the last act. However, he is a lot of fun to watch, and his frenzied acting abilities are rare that we get to experience.
The youngsters are apprehensive at first, but they gradually join Judith. Sarah, despite her reluctance, joins in. Everyone is nude, revealing the first story point: teens are naked. Judith flaunts her newly shaven head. After 300 years, they still have razors? They progress from nude bathing to obtaining new clothing, getting drunk, and getting it on, except for Sarah and David.
The adolescents sexing and drugging are the last story points, making this an official Larry Clark film. They’re also using cocaine, but Neil later says he produces it himself, so it’s probably crystal meth. Still, it’s something that shouldn’t be around 300 years later. That night, Elizabeth is unwell, and she staggers into Neil and Judith’s bedroom. Still, instead of receiving help, she discovers that they are to blame.
She tries to stab Neil, but he smiles as a pen protrudes from his neck. She climbs onto the bed, groaning in agony, as Judith watches her while masturbating. She also refuses to let Neil touch her. When Elizabeth bursts, the self-satisfaction comes to an abrupt halt. Yes, she explodes like a gremlin in a microwave, with organs flying everywhere. What a bummer.
The following day, everyone asks, “Where is Elizabeth?” Neil and Judith hastily respond, “She’s unwell.” They only allowed Sarah, and only Sarah, to view her in the tent. Elizabeth appears; however, it isn’t actually her, but Judith with blue eyes. Sarah observes near the end but has no idea what’s going on.
This helps for a time, but Neil has gone into a constant PMS state and starts hunting. Teenage Caveman Joshua joins him, but he won’t make it back alive. Joshua adores talking about seducing Judith, which irritates Neil that he strikes him right through the chest. Neil brings him back, accusing him of being a victim of “predators.” When the others inquire what kind of predators could have done it, he just shouts, “Shut up!” There should be an easy answer; simply insert a DVD of the film Predator and use it as a reason.
Judith and Neil have a protracted quarrel, mainly by Tiffany Limos’s bad acting. Neil has the finest line, in which he believes she’s from a “Bad B-Movie.” On the other hand, Neil is unable to think because he is filled with pent-up wrath sexual dissatisfaction and is high on the cocaine/meth he manufactures. Fortunately, the movie got self-aware at this point; it’s a good thing it didn’t have power over launching our nuclear weapons.
Neil is by himself, slashing his wrist and seeing it mend instantly. David joins him, but Neil hits him when he refuses to do part of his cocaine/meth stuff. David and Sarah discuss it and devise a strategy to break into Judith’s room. David discovers the footage of Elizabeth bursting there.
The four Teenage Cave people who have survived prepare to flee. David goes to fetch supplies while the two surviving females remain alone until the additional one (called Heather) explodes. Sarah rushes to David and informs him that Heather has died, after which they proceed to make out and carry out the act. The next moments get tumultuous, culminating in a power transition.
Neil, the super monster, cannot catch a funny-running female and falls into the hot tub where the gang bathed earlier. Being underwater seemed to have mutated him into an even worse freak. David manages to jump down and re-join the fight while Sarah makes her way to the weapons container, where she grabs a shotgun and a gas bomb. David blows a hole in Neil with the pistol, while Sarah throws the gas bomb in the spot while the wound heals around it. The gas builds up within Neil, and because he doesn’t acquire enough Gas-X in time, he explodes into a mess of ooze.
In the end, a child has his head ripped off. The special effects crew must have been exceptionally pleased with the “head” prop they created. They kept cutting away to the severed head sitting on a chair throughout the film. The cutaways to the head were frequent, unnecessary, and out of place. Finally, the two leading young characters have intercourse. The camera pans to the severed head in the middle of the sex scenes! Not just once, but several times. In the closing scene, David returns to the cave dressed in the most foolish, ludicrous, and bizarre clothing ever conceived by mankind. He demands the children, and he and the children all return to Seattle. What became of Sarah? Did she detonate? How can you become a superhuman? Who knows?
Why should you watch Teenage Caveman?
The two-worded “Teenage Caveman” by director Larry Clark appears to be based on Roger Corman’s three-worded “Teenage Cave Man” by Roger Corman (1958). Mr. Clark has too much reverence for the original work or something. This movie shows outstanding photography and special effects talents, but the images aren’t complemented by anything enjoyable.
Clark had the notion of making a film that would portray sex in the future as an action devoid of its intended goal – to engender love and pleasure. The loss of meaningful sex is an overriding issue throughout Clark’s filmography. Here, the meaning is muddied to the point that sex means as much as a spur-of-the-moment kiss or embrace but with less feeling and passion.
This is not a serious film, people! It’s a wild ride meant to appeal to your libido and sense of humor rather than your brain. After all, the original material is a classic Roger Corman sci-fi cheapie that was most likely created on a catering budget. The youthful cast is primarily faintly known from awful adolescent movies and cheesy TV shows, which are just acceptable. The picture seemed too heavy-handed and hurried to be taken seriously. It obviously doesn’t live up to the previous film of the same name.
It’s a corny film since the ‘monster’ only emerges in the final ten minutes. But it all appears to be a farce. The nudity is gratuitous, and all of the females flaunt off their wobbly body parts, and they’re all the real deal, no fake tits here! The entire plot is nonsense, but you must watch it if you like Ken Park and want to witness another Larry Clark.