We all know Jesus as a pious, peaceful, and pure guy. But what if I told you that in the comic universe, there is another fascinating, vampire-slaying, bloodthirsty version of Jesus? In Tim Seeley’s Loaded Bible, Jesus is described as all of these and more.
‘Loaded Bible: Jesus vs. Vampires,’ first released in February 2006, is based on the very thing that the title so perfectly portrays – a vampire-slaying Jesus. The comic is set in a post-apocalyptic parallel reality and follows Jesus as he fights on the side of Humans in a never-ending, terrible conflict between Humans and Vampires. Jesus is a fierce fighter with oddities like his ‘holy water spit.’ He is hell-bent on eradicating the Earth of all vampires.
Exploring the thrilling comic series – let the vampire-killing begin!
‘Loaded Bible’ debuted in Dead Dog Comics’ ‘From Heaven to Hell’ anthology in 2000, with the author’s other pet project ‘Lovebunny& Mr. Hell.’ The comic precedes a similar film, ‘Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter’ for many months. Steve Kurth created the artwork for this short narrative. The first independent edition of ‘Loaded Bible’ which was released in 2006 was authored by Tim Seeley and illustrated by Mike Norton, Mark Englert, and Nate Bellegarde.
The plot begins with two acts: the discovery of vampires and the growing fanaticism of the Christian religion. In the near future, the Earth is rendered uninhabitable by a nuclear world war triggered by religion. This nuclear ‘Holy War’ has ravaged North America, and the dome metropolis of New Vatican City is humanity’s only refuge. The story is based on an alternate Earth where vampires are revealed to be real and it is their ‘coming out’ that ignited this war that wiped out a large portion of mankind.
Although a few struggling tribes of humanity exist on their own, the bulk of people who remain is dominated by the church, which has complete control over everyone’s life. The church has sent forth one man to confront the vampire hordes: Jesus Christ. Vampires are burned by his blood and saliva. He possesses the ability to heal and bless. Only after meeting a beautiful vampire assassin does Jesus begin to wonder if the church’s ultimate rule is correct, or if there is more to the world (and himself) than he previously believed.
The first issue, ‘Loaded Bible: Jesus vs. Vampires’ presents us with an alternate worldview of how the United States was created. We are transported to a dystopian Earth filled with religious fanaticism and torn by war. This religious war has almost ended the human race, but the vampires still remain, unaffected by any nuclear weapons.
Jesus Christ heroically appears at even the slightest whiff of Vampire activity, slaying the bloodsucking monsters on a large, ultra HD screen that is on display for the general public to praise and worship. It is only when Jesus stumbles upon a Church-initiated murder of non-Christians and accidentally kills a human girl does he realize that something sinister is afoot. He makes his way to the recently captured Vampire Pureblood woman for answers. She reveals to him that he is just a small cog in the gigantic conspiracy machine that the Church has created.
They plan to kill Jesus in a heroic, and perhaps orchestrated death to strengthen the general public’s belief in religion as their one true savior, after which they will deploy a ‘Heavenly’ army to slay both, Vampires and non-believers. Confused and horrified with this revelation, Jesus runs off to create a fresh start for himself.
In the second issue of the series ‘Loaded Bible 2: Blood of Christ’, we discover that the citizens of the New Vatican City have found out about the Church’s treachery. They all begin revolting against the Church and its leaders, demanding answers. The clone Jesus is now a stowaway, living all by himself and relying on his never-ending supply of tuna sandwiches and water. He is still ready to kick some Vampire ass though and does not hesitate to help out a truck driver who is being attacked by a group of seven vampires.
He is unable to save the truck driver’s life but is shocked when he discovers that the driver is attempting to smuggle the seven vampires, along with one vampire baby into the Vatican City. It is here that the Church’s evil conspiracy is brought into greater light. The Church is harboring an army of Vampires, ready to be set out onto the general public at even the slightest mention of protest.
They are preparing to let this army loose sooner than anticipated as the riots in Vatican City have begun to spiral out of control. They have also placed a huge bounty on the capture and return of the highly valuable clone of Jesus. The group of smugglers whose truck Jesus destroys find out about the hefty bounty and set out to capture Jesus. Meanwhile, Jesus is attempting to cure the Vampire child that he has rescued from the truck of its affliction.
Things don’t exactly go according to plan and the effort of his unsuccessful attempt causes him to faint, making him fair game for the smugglers to capture. As they head back to the New Vatican City with Jesus now in their possession, they come face to face with the pureblood vampire, the very same pureblood who helped Jesus uncover the Church’s conspiracy. She is attempting to flee the Vatican City and thirsts for blood.
In a fit of hunger, she murders the three human smugglers and injures Jesus. When Jesus comes back to his senses, he realizes that he has been tended to by the non-believers, and expresses his gratitude towards them. The comic ends with Jesus realizing that the girl he killed was the lover of the very man who helped save his life.
‘Loaded Bible: Communion’ begins with a scene showing the smuggler attacked by the pureblood and previously considered dead in a new, horrific form. His eyes have been gouged out and he is feasting on the blood of lower vampires. We are then transported to the new, vampire-infested Los Angeles, where the purebloods are attempting a coup by trying to capture and kill Lilith, the very first original vampire.
Meanwhile, in the New Vatican City, the faith of the Christian citizens has been newly restored after the Church’s cloned Holy army swooped in to save the day from the Vampires, all an act orchestrated by the Church, of course. One of the Bishops at the Church meets with the blind, ghastly smuggler, giving him a pair of futuristic eyes and asking for the original clone of Jesus in return. Jesus faces the pureblood in the desert once again, and she asks for his help in saving Lilith, who is like a mother to her. Jesus feels indebted to her for showing him his truth and agrees to help.
Then both of them, along with Arturo, the boy whose lover Jesus killed previously, set out on a journey to Los Angeles. Arturo’s sister tries to follow them but is kidnapped and held hostage by the smuggler. The three execute their plan upon reaching Los Angeles and are almost successful too until the smuggler arrives. He kills Lilith and goes after her pureblood daughter. Jesus knows that he is in danger and refuses to leave without her, but she insists that he go because all she wants is to exact revenge for the death of her mother.
Arturo manages to shoot the smuggler but the bullets don’t do him much harm. The pureblood manages to kill him before she is murdered by the Vampire police, who is furious at her for hindering their plans with Lilith. Jesus manages to escape back to the non-believers’ base camp with the other two and prays for his Father to show him the correct path that he must take. The comic ends with a shot of the Bishop declaring that a war will begin soon.
Superhero comics with a new shade
Undeniably, many will be uninterested or offended by this comic simply because of the way it is presented. But this would be a mistake on their part because they’d be passing on an interesting and frankly, quite unique narrative. The setting of the comic is controversial, although the subject matter is intended to be humorous rather than offensive. It reads like a typical comic book at some moments and a mockery of more serious vampire books at others.
It’s honestly a comic series worth looking into and reading for reasons other than just the shock value. There are a few rough edges and plot points that could use some work, but because this is only one of the first books of its kind, I’m sure we can expect those rough spots to be worked out over time. The original short comic that launched the series, is also an equally enjoyable read. Definitely worth checking out, this admittedly strange comic is most certainly a hidden gem!
The sequel to Loaded Bible has a clone of Jesus fighting Dracula!
In January, Image comics revealed that Loaded Bible would be getting a sequel miniseries in which the clone of Jesus would be battling none other than the fearsome clone of Dracula himself. According to a press release by Image comics, ’Loaded Bible: Blood of My Blood’ will be written by the original writer Tim Seely, who will be joined in writing this sequel by fellow writer Steve Orlando and illustrator Giuseppe Cafaro.
Arancia Studios, which has already worked on Image titles such as Deep Beyond and Commanders in Crisis, is producing this six-issue miniseries. Along with the publication, the cover for the first issue of ‘Loaded Bible: Blood of my Blood’ was released, depicting the clone Jesus locked in a battle with an undead creature. As of now, only three issues of the sequel have been released so far.
‘Loaded Bible: Blood of My Blood’ begins decades after the events of the original series. Jesus’ Vampire hunting clone is a bigger outlaw than ever, and now, he has to face a threat, unlike anything he’d faced ever before, with the Church’s agreement to unite with the Vampires as one under their resurrected savior, who is none other than a clone of Dracula himself. ‘Loaded Bible: Blood of My Blood’ also offers a unique perspective on sword and sorcery, the traditional clash of supernatural against science and magic against technology.
Issue one brings us to a dismal world in the future, where men’s souls hang in the balance. The New Vatican has joined forces with Dracula, the primordial force of all darkness and evil, in a form of the Church that the world has never seen before. We’ve seen Dracula (and vampires in general) represented in a variety of ways, but we’ve never seen Dracula himself act as the leader and supreme authority of the Church in this manner.
The Catholic Church has always had an odd and personal relationship with blood, and now they have the ultimate bloodsucker, a parasite, at the spiritual heart of humanity. Vampires no longer hide in the shadows, living on the outskirts of civilization and feeding discreetly on their human hosts. Vampires, now empowered by the Church with Divine intent and clad in Holy armor, openly assault man.
In the same way that the Church feeds on people, these vampiric leeches now govern men from the highest holy halls. It’s a horrible perversion of God’s will and a desecration of the religion. If the concept of vampires in the Vatican City isn’t thrilling enough, Dracula’s opponent is our very own Holy clone of Jesus. The church has denounced the Jesus clone as a result of New Vatican science, and he now stands as its biggest foe. His sheep have strayed into dangerous lands, and this shepherd will need to be armed to the teeth if he is to lead his flock safely back to redemption.
The comic ends with Jesus’ clone being bitten by Dracula’s sleeper Vampire. But how long can he fight back the Vampire’s deadly disease? The real meaning of Dracula’s alliance with the Church is slowly beginning to come to light but in the meantime, can Jesus’ men save him before he succumbs to the fatal illness that the bite has caused? These are questions that only the next issue of the series can answer.
John the Mechanic, who is Jesus’ cousin, works overtime to save his brother’s life as Issue #2 begins. This Issue also shows us how the formation of the unholy pact between the Vampires, led by Dracula, and the Church, came into existence. Dracula talks at great length about how he did his best to serve God, but when things didn’t exactly go as planned, he felt betrayed by God.
He wishes to seek revenge for God’s betrayal by murdering God’s children, all humans on Earth, though there are billions of them. It is here that Dracula’s true plan is brought to light: He wishes to turn the world into a war-torn bloodbath, and then crown himself as the Lord Almighty. But to accomplish all this, there is one thing that he desperately needs: Jesus’ blood.
The final published Issue of the sequel shows us a healed Jesus, a Jesus who is ready to walk into enemy lines to save all of humanity. We are also shown Dracula’s deadly creation, the Red Note, which will be the very thing that will drain Jesus of his blood and bestow Godlike abilities upon Dracula. What will happen to Jesus once he steps into enemy territory? Is Dracula really powerful enough to defeat the second (albeit artificial) coming of Jesus? These are questions that only the upcoming issue of this miniseries can answer.
Some unique powers of Jesus the vampire-hunter
The clone of Jesus wields many unique superpowers. He can replenish food and water at will. His Holy Spit burns Vampires and he can bless water, water that can then be used to kill Vampires. He possesses a futuristic nanotechswitch sword with a molecular titanium blade that can cut right to the atom. He calls this sword ‘Magdalene’ He also has super strength and super speed as well as the power to recover from injuries almost immediately. All things considered; this modern clone of Jesus Christ makes for a pretty cool, futuristic superhero.
Conclusion
While critics don’t view this comic very favorably, I think it is a very interesting read, something that is at least worth a try. The brash humor, tongue-in-cheek action, and violent fights tie this comic together in a very enjoyable, albeit somewhat gruesome manner. Jesus’ confusion about his identity and actions is something that will resonate with many of us.
If you’re someone who enjoys action, dystopia, or science fiction, or even if you’re just someone who’s just looking for a quick read or wanting to try something new, this comic is worth a glance. While it may not blow your mind or change your worldview, it will make you chuckle as you flip through it. The fact that it is pretty short and easy to read in a single sitting is also a definite plus. Jesus’ misadventures and escapades in the future are not something that many comics talk about, so it would be apt to consider this an interesting read, even if it is just for the unique topics that it deals with.