We may disagree about what is scary and what isn’t, but let us agree on one thing: monsters are odd by definition. They come in a variety of shapes, sizes, and forms, each with its own, distinct origin—which, in most cases, is a complete mystery. The notion that monsters are living manifestations of the phrase “bizarre” connects Beth Smith’s Mythology to Captain Holt’s Cheuksin.
With their bizarre appearances, these aliens/ghosts/mutants/people generally elicit fear: tentacles protruding from their necks, teeth covering their faces, and whatever is up with Doctor Strange’s appearance in Marvel’s What if… episode 4. At every step of the road, monsters have a lengthy history of defying conventional thinking and physical physiology.
Even Bible-accurate angels would give you the literal fear of God if you ever saw them. However, in their attempt to provoke a reaction from the audience, some creatives go beyond and end up creating something that is supposed to be threatening but laughable, eliciting peals of laughter due to its sheer absurdity.
We are not suggesting it is not deliberate in some circumstances, as you shall see, but the fact that this cosmic monster can have such a bizarre past and/or look will make it difficult for you to keep a straight face while seeing their acts. Let us have a look at these bizarre creatures: 15 Pathetically Entertaining Horror Film Creatures – Discovered!
Milo – Bad Milo (2013)
Ever get this feeling that if you take a dump, at this very moment, something bad is going to happen? Nothing major, maybe an embarrassingly-long fart, a diarrhea bomb, or the unintentional death of your boss? Well, if you’re anything like Duncan, we’ve got news for you; that isn’t the coprophagia, it’s the 2-foot tall poop monster that lives in your butt. How can we describe Milo? What would happen if the poop emoji gained sentience, underwent genetic experimentation, and THEN had a mid-life crisis.
Credit to Jacob Vaughan for trying to zone in on inner demons and primal fear from a fresh perspective, but the results are undeniably hilarious. With a gooey physical body that looks like excrement taking shape, claws, razor-sharp teeth, and two black snow globes for eyes, Milo looks almost as adorable as its emoji counterpart; before it tries to eat your head off after emerging from Duncan’s rectum. You heard that right; he emerges from inside of Duncan’s anal cavity, as a physical manifestation of his stress, and then proceeds to KILL OFF THE SOURCE.
Talk about having bad tacos for breakfast. He has the manic energy of Chucky, the life-like animatronics of the Gremlins, and the abhorrent character design of the Blob, all mushed together in a package that will, and we cannot stress this enough, burst out of your butt. Oh, and if you’re wondering if it goes both ways, and we don’t know why you will be, the short answer is; yes. For proof, you’re gonna have to watch this wacky, colon-centric comedy, all by yourself.
A Demonic Turkey called…Turkie – ThanksKilling (2007)
If there was ever a turkey that didn’t deserve a pardon, it’d be this one, and not just for its comically heinous acts. We understand that low-budget films inherently face a lot of issues during production, and with a budget of about $4000, this college film isn’t hitting the front pages of cinematic innovation anytime soon. But what it did give us was a hilariously caricatured portrayal of what would happen if The Goobledegooker turned into a slasher villain. Turkie is a nightmare; and not the kind that is intentionally designed that way, no. It’s as if the most vile high-school jock was transformed into America’s favorite fowl and cursed with cracking Thanksgiving-themed jokes for eternity. From his opening dialogue (“Nice tits, bitch”) to some of the “zingers” he throws in right before his kills, everything that comes out of his mouth is a pile of hot garbage dressed in cranberry sauce.
Even his appearance is so OTT that it transforms into a comedic masterpiece- leathery skin, wart-riddled face, vibrant flappers and an anatomically-human penis (trust us; you don’t wanna know). The fact that this Pennywise-esque villain who is supposed to awaken every 505 years gets accidentally released via a steaming hot stream of dog piss is all you need to know about how seriously Turkie needs to be taken; despite his shockingly-graphic kill count. If you’re looking for a fun time with just the right amount of crazy, this killer turkey is sure to satisfy your appetite; dammit, the curse is real!
Anton Tobias – Idle Hands (1999)
Or more accurately…his hand. Look, Thing T. Thing is an absolute sweetheart. His presence was a joyful highlight of the weird ride that is The Addams Family. But we’d be hard-pressed to say the same about Anton Tobias’ hand, which seems to be geared towards one straightforward purpose: killing. Anton, a good-for-nothing teenager is a true stoner: goalless, perverted and always faded out of his mind. He gets possessed by a druidic entity that decides to show him that idle hands truly are the devil’s playground. Except it doesn’t exactly come off as sinister as it is meant to be, and instead turns into a prolonged comedy skit that celebrates the special relationship a man shares with his…hand.
Enter ejaculation jokes, here. Oh, and it isn’t above creating a GIFable moment or two, as this very hand led to the genesis of one of Jessica Alba’s most enduring on-screen moments till-date (cue “you’re kinky” GIF). Subtle differences highlight The Hand’s more malevolent nature; like the fact that it bubbles up as it is being microwaved like a maggot-filled burrito, or the scene where it SHARPENS ITS NAILS to be able to better dispose of the children. Subtle, sensible even, but downright insane when you consider it is a god-damn HAND pulling off a series of complicated murders.
The fact that the downfall of this soul-sucking demon involves a fat-ass bong-rip is all we have to say to you if you aren’t convinced to watch this slice of pure 90’s entertainment. And if that isn’t enough to sell you, watch this movie for Seth Green; each frame he’s in is pure stoner-comedy gold, and we can’t get enough of them.
Death Bed – Death Bed: The Bed That Eats (1977)
Passing away fast-asleep, tucked in bed: that’s the answer most people would give you when asked how they would like to go. We bet they wouldn’t take it kindly if the bed decided to forego consent and just dissolved them in its belly juices by straight-up eating them. And yet, that is the premise of this 1977 offering that revolves around, and we wish we were making this up, a literal death bed. Quick backstory: demon meets woman, the demon falls in love with the woman and makes love to woman, but then the woman dies on the bed and his bloody tears turn the entire upholstery into a telekinetic monster with a rather-gawky shade of red; oh, and also, his soul is stuck in the bed and the bed is their baby.
Did you get all that? If you did, help us wrap our heads around it, in the comments below. Credit where it’s due though, this entire movie plays out like a massive DMT-induced fever dream covered in psychotronic overtones. It manages to deliver a captivating dose of surreal cinema that sucks you in with its oddly-alluring visual story-telling, a la Jodorowsky. Then there’s the part where the bed dissolves a man’s skin to the elbows, leaving him with completely-functional yet skeletal arms. What? Not since Army of the Dead have we seen such stellar comedy being drawn forth from literal bones; except, in this case, we think it might have been unintentional.
Also, the whole reincarnating of its mum who then proceeds to kill it by performing some weird sex-magic ordeal is a tragic way to go, even for a demonic killer bed. Fan of surrealist movies or not, if you are willing to suspend your disbelief for about 2 hours, then we recommend you take this psychedelic trip through the paranormal, and THEN proceed to burn every red bedsheet you find lying around the house, just on the off-chance.
Millard Findlemyer – The Gingerdead Man (2005)
On paper, an evil gingerbread man sounds sorta cute, doesn’t it? We’re imagining Gingy from Shrek except he’s made out of darker gingerbread and has a mean scowl replacing his sweet, ol’ grin. Nothing could have prepared us for this atrocity, though; and forgive us, but that name is so cheesy that even a rat would think twice before nabbing it. Millard Findlemyer is a serial killer whose soul ends up in a mysterious Gingerbread mix that our protagonist, Sarah Leigh, uses to bake a massive Gingerbread man.
Channeling his inner Charles Lee Ray, Findlemyer takes possession of this monstrous confectionary and proceeds to finish the job. The Gingerdead Man (yes, we know) looks like what would happen if M.O.D.O.K possessed a life-sized mound of gingerbread. His features are so scrawny & scrunched up, you can’t help but look away in disgust. And his dialogue work is somehow cheesier than his name!
While we give him credit for the Pillsbury Doughboy line, yelling out “that’s gonna leave a mark” after slashing up a slasher victim? You’ve gotta do better than that, Gingers. It’s like the writers decided to throw every trope they could think of on a baking sheet and turned the heat up to 12; you can’t even eat this Gingerbread Man to put an end to it, because then it will end up possessing you! It’s so bad, that it’s great, and makes for the perfect bad movie run before Christmas arrives.
Weresheep – Black Sheep (2006)
Ah, sheep. Look at them: so peaceful, grazing grass, rolling over and getting stuck, just generally being their blissfully-ignorant selves and…eating people?! Well, that image is gonna stay with us forever, now. Yes, this 2006 offering from New Zealand explores the frankly terrifying scenario of blood-thirsty, virus-afflicted sheep that turn regular people into, wait for it, Weresheep. Yep. And these suckers are nasty, too. Hulking, fanged beasts that are rightly named as they are; make no mistake, they will eat first, bleat later.
And still, you just can’t get past the fact that the ravenous horde you’re supposed to be scared of is God’s own flock (at least, metaphorically). The dichotomy produced by one of nature’s most-peaceful species turning into alpha predators is fertile ground for some truly hilarious scenarios. Like this one, where the sheep descend on a group of unwitting businesspeople and proceed to feast on their flesh like hungry hyenas. Or this one, where the final incendiary device properly explodes after one of the sheep farts on it.
Even the battle of the Weresheep looks like it was plucked out of a pilot episode that you just know was pitched as Underworld meets Shaun the Sheep. If you can get over the jarring premise, Black Sheep will give you one of the most memorable watches of your lifetime, featuring an antagonist that both George Orwell and Stephen King would have comical nightmares of.
Jack Frost – Jack Frost (2005)
You know it’s bad when your clearly-borrowed movie antagonist even looks like a cheap knock-off bought at the flea market but hey, Jack Frost got a sequel, so it must’ve gotten something right. This re-imagining of Chucky sees the eponymous crazed killer get zapped by genetic acid fluid, or something to that effect, and get transformed into a psychotic killer snowman that is hell-bent on getting revenge on its arresting officer; surprise, yes.
While the plot might as well be Child’s Play with a Winter Mod, what makes Jack Frost stand out is the outrageous fact that its main antagonist is basically a version of Olaf we would rather destroy than dance with; and Olaf is the nicest little thing Disney ever created, fight us. Jack Frost is so comically vile, you can’t help but find his over-the-top antics rib-tickling. First off, they did him dirty by making the snowman suit apparent; how are you gonna feature a full-body shot 6 times in the film and make the costume show movement ONCE, when it’s supposed to be on a damn killing spree?
And then there are the hilariously villainous one-liners that make him feel like the caricature he is; seriously, Jack? You don’t see how cheesy that “axed you for a smoke” kill-line is? All right, bro. You do you. Icicle puns & snow jokes aside, Jack Frost is a true testament to how bizarre the human mind can get; a character so fundamentally tropey, you can’t help but enjoy him with a sense of morbid self-awareness.
EeBee – Evil Bong (2006)
We wonder what Cheech & Chong would think about a soul-sucking bong that traps them in the Bong World every time they take a hit out of it. What? Tommy Chong is in the movie? Well then let’s swiftly move on to what should, by rights, be a stoner’s worst nightmare. You know that feeling you get sometimes when your pipe is kinda clogged, and you feel like the bong rip is pulling you in, and not the other way round? Slap a hot chick’s face on that feeling and then take a look at the movie’s initials; yep, you’ve got it right.
EeBee is a voodoo-possessed bong that will transport you into the Bong World after you take a hit out of her. And no, we are not, in fact, tripping. At first glance, it Bong World is like a paradise: a slightly hellish strip club filled with beautiful women who are willing to give it up; before they suck your soul dry and leave you for dead (and we mean this quite literally, you guys). Her evil plan is something a stoner would actually be afraid of, too: no one wants to revel in pot smoke and clean up bong resin from the oceans, man.
Do you know how disgusting that stuff is?! The very idea of an evil bong that gleefully preys on the souls of ignorant, stoner kids is something that should not work, and yet there have been multiple Evil Bong movies in the years since; including a surprise crossover with the Gingerdead Man that sees Millard finally give up on vengeance and accept defeat by sparking up! Pot-enthusiasts or not, the outlandish existence of EeBee is all the motivation you need to give it a watch.
Belial Bradley – Basket Case (1982)
You know, we kinda relate to our next entry. If you’d asked us to spend our entire lives shoved inside of a basket, we’d keep screaming incoherently at the top of our voices as well; all, the time. The fact that Basket Case was never supposed to see the light of day makes it all the more delightful than it did, and gave us one of the most grotesquely-memorable characters in the horror pantheon. Belial (Bell-eye-ul) Bradley, the surgically-separated Siamese twin of Duane Bradley, is hard to look upon at the best of times: there’s a flashback scene where his deceased aunt is rocking him back-and-forth while reading him a story and he looks like an alien there.
For the rest of the film, he looks like an angry, Geodude-Esque flesh mound with razor-sharp teeth and an appetite for murder. Bound to a basket, he’s on a revenge-quest against the doctors who separated him from his, frankly, smoldering-hot half and depriving him of the joys of human life. It’s a sad story with strong serial killer undercurrents that is genuinely horrifying in certain instances; Belial’s unique existence conflicting with his desires. Compelling stuff. The only problem is; they made him scream like a dying cat every time he’s in pain, so try as you might, your empathy will eventually give way to laughter.
Most of his kills are such graphic exaggerations of typical slasher affair that you can’t help but slap your knee, clench your gut, and think to yourself, “Who comes up with this kind of stuff?” Diana Kutter’s death scene is the best example of his OTT modus operandi; he left her with a face full of scissors, giving us one of the longest death screams we’ve seen on film to date, allowing him to escape capture. Talk about luck, eh. For what it’s worth, it is an engrossing watch with some of the rawest depictions of New York City captured on a roll and the most comically lethal personification of the phrase, “What’s in the basket?”
Piranhaconda – Piranhaconda (2012)
How could Syfy, the same channel that gave us the impeccable Children of Dune series, give us a monstrosity like this? And we mean that literally and metaphorically. As part of their attempt to bring the Monsterverse to TV, in the early years of the 2010s, Syfy created its own version by introducing biological hybrids of existing predator species as primal forces of death & destruction. Cool concept; the only problem is, the execution had unintentionally comical consequences. Take the Piranhaconda; on paper, it sounds like a killing machine. A hybrid piranha-anaconda that can breathe on-land and underwater? Sign us up for the carnage! Wait, why is this operating on GTA Vice City-levels of graphics? Did we miss something? Well, no.
This is a TV film, and TV films have notoriously blown budgets, so the monster they ended up using looks more like a base animation edited into the final cut. Not to say that it is bad, I mean it looks cool enough in isolation and that one fight between two Piranhacondas is pretty awesome. But the fact that its kill-animation looks like a generic splatter-effect from an early-generation PC game is just…it’s funny, not gonna lie. The way it mows down humans like they’re literally rats, no matter the size of the guns they’re wielding, gets you slightly invested in its badassery. The Piranhaconda is vicious, it is the alpha, it is extremely pixelated if you press pause, and will give you 85-minutes of pure TV entertainment, that much is for sure.
Sharktopus – Sharktopus (2010)
Imagine you’re at the beach; you’re having a great time, soaking up the sun, guzzling beers, and you see a shark fin on the horizon. No problem, you get away from the coastline and wait for evacuation in case of an attack. What do you do when the damn shark rages onto the shore with tentacles for a rear-end and genocide on its mind? This is the movie that started of Syfy’s bio-hybrid movieverse, so it only makes sense that Sharktopus is the only creature to star in multiple sequels. And we can see why this abomination is such a fan favorite; it’s a shark with tentacles that can gore people literally anywhere it wants to, what’s not to like?!
Though its animation style and character origins make it feel like it’s straight out of Subnautica with a Call of Duty patch, Sharktopus gives you all-around value-for-entertainment, killing off more people with its appendages than the Winter Soldier pre-Infinity War, in a single film. This is where the signature animation style was birthed, which we saw in its full majesty in the previous entry on the list; and true to the saying, the original is always better than what comes after.
If you can sit through this film with a straight face, you do not appreciate the art of idiosyncrasy, and we feel truly sorry for you. It’s like Syfy raised the bar with every kill Sharktopus makes, daring us to laugh harder until we bust a lung or something. Iconic because of its look and reckless abandon, Sharktopus is one of those science fiction oddities you can’t help but keep coming back to; and the sequels are just as out-of-hand as this one is, so watch them all.
Robert the Tire – Rubber (2011)
We’re firmly entering the lunatic country with the last 4 entries, as we present to your our first mute monster. Why are they mute? Because technically, they are an “it” and it is a tire. A Goodyear tire is the main antagonist of this film, and get this; its M.O. is making heads explode. Drop everything and go watch this movie; after you finish the video, of course, please and thank you. One of the best examples of object-comedy to perhaps ever grace the silver screen, this whole movie makes a mockery out of the very concept of serial killers & supernatural powers by making a tire the villain of the story, and it works to great effect.
Armed with the power of telekinesis, Robert the Tire acquires a taste for murder and carries through on it by making things blow up like watermelons; people’s heads are chief among them. Some of the scenes involving the tire are just so out-of-the-blue funny that it takes you a second to register the “gravity” of the situation; the sheriff’s de-briefing, the way Robert stalks its victims, and especially the scene where it turns up in its would-be victim’s bath, only to be chucked out like the common tire we all think it is.
But this tire won’t be stopped when it’s on such a roll and racks up a pretty hefty kill count before wrapping up its business and “evolving” into a tricycle. In the end, he gathers an army of tires and attacks Hollywood; suggesting that one of our alternate post-apocalyptic scenarios could be a tire-based society where humanity has been subjugated by the strength of rubber. Give it a watch it for Robert; he’s the star of this road-show and he does it with no dialogue.
Killer Tomatoes – Attack of the Killer Tomatoes (1978)
This has to be the movie that inspired Seth Rogen and his ilk to create the R-rated food-fest that was Sausage Party because prior to Attack of the Killer Tomatoes coming out, there were no movies about killer food items seeking retribution on mankind. Now, where will we find the time to make pasta?! One of the early horror-comedy gems, the tomatoes aren’t actually “alive” in the first film. The production staff used different sizes & types of tomatoes to give viewers the impression that the tomatoes had a dark secret, a la Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds. But seeing grown-people run away from what is clearly a Styrofoam tomato is surely going to make us laugh. As you dive deeper into the sequels, they get hammier, with the tomatoes getting a Gremlin-like makeover by the 3rd film and attempting to eat all of France by the 4th. We know which species of tomatoes we’re staying away from this winter.
Goblins – Troll (1986)
The Potter Family moves into an apartment in San Francisco when the wife Wendy is attacked by a tiny, grotesque-looking creature. It takes on her appearance and starts transforming the nearby homes into a fairyland and the tenants into fairy tale creatures. While the titular troll is a hideous package of hilarity unto itself, we’re here for the goblins. They look like the Devil after a two-day bender, with a reptilian, beak-like nose, thick sideburns sprouting from a receding hairline, and claw-like appendages for fingers.
Add they’re true to form is somehow even more worse-for-wear; with sagging bags of red skin stretched across their skulls, disheveled teeth dotting their mouth, and two bulging cross-eyes, they look like what we imagine Satan would, after bombing his nostrils with speed. An endless riot of laughter follows these manic & hyperactive Power Rangers villains where they go, their comically-dated appearance bringing an old-school charm to the film that makes it a decent watch that really earns the worth of its 82-minute runtime.
Jellyfish Monster – Sting of Death (1965)
And we close out this list with a slice of the ’60s that answers the question: what would happen if the Shape of Water monster turned out to be a Golden Age villain. Florida is known to be the home of some of nature’s wildest predators: alligators, sharks, snakes, Florida Man. Portuguese Man o’ war jellyfish are included in nature’s elite kill squad and are an integral narrative element of the movie’s story. After all, Egon has the ability to transform into a humanoid jellyfish monster by attaching itself to the massive Portuguese Man o’ war he keeps imprisoned underwater.
It is a pretty nifty plot for a 60’s flick, which uses temporal juxtaposition to full advantage and tells a story that sounds like the blueprint for every slasher film that come in the years that followed. But despite all its merits, the garishly-60’s costume-work exposed the movie’s mythic monster to becoming a cult comedy icon, much like the sad death of kayfabe in professional wrestling (cue “It’s still real to me, dammit!” GIF). How do you take a hybrid human-jellyfish monster with any form of seriousness when it looks like it’s got an airbag stuck to its head with gummy worms for “tentacles”?
We understand that the whole point of the sci-fi element is to highlight Egon’s detachment from humanity and his metaphysical and literal transformation. But it’s hard not to look at this creature and immediately think of a version of The Bombastic Bag-Man that came from Atlantis! Still, it takes you on a nostalgic trip through cinema history while imploring you to ignore the fact that its main villain has a large Mylar balloon for ahead and that it features a very on-the-nose Neil Sedaka rendition of “Do the Jellyfish”; pure Hollywood entertainment at its finest.